Well, everyone, I'm sitting in my almost-empty apartment counting down the hours to the train that will take me away from the home and community I've created in Blois, at least for the time being. Dina has been an absolutely incredible source of packing prowess, support, and positive energy and I am so glad she is here with me my last night in Blois.
I am definitely sad to leave Blois, and a few weeks ago when I went to the train station with Harriet I was terrified of the sense of profound loss I would feel leaving this time in Blois--because Blois is not a physical place, but an experience. I can never return to my Blois, where I lived at Les Cottages with Harriet and Amy and made friends with the students of the engineering school, where I killed a possible thousand of cockroaches and where electrical outages were the norm. I will never be an assistante de langue again or work with my kids, because even if I were to return, they would be older and different. I will never be 22 and living for the first time on my own in a foreign country. If (or rather, when) I return, it will be a new experience, a new adventure.
Leaving reminds me of the temporal nature of life, its everchangingness. I know it's cliché, but you really can't return to the same place twice. Or in the words of Disney's Pocahontas (that come to me in the wee hours of the morning): You can't step in the same river twice. Each choice leads you to a new place, a new time, new friends, a new community, new experiences.
I am young and I have so many possibilities ahead of me, so many bends in the river. I am excited about what is coming, and so I must admit that while I mourn the loss of this time in my life, my excitement for the next one outweighs my sadness. So what is ahead? Well, I don't really know, which is what makes me so excited and life so exciting.
The fact that I feel this way is one of those many indicators to me of how I have changed since I first came to France two and a half years ago, nervous, timid, lacking self-confidence, worried about planning out every detail of my life, sure that if I worked hard enough and secured a college diploma, my life would unfold seamlessly into whatever I imagined it to be. I am no longer that girl, but a new, more confident, independent version of that girl, or (let's just keep the clichés rolling) that now-woman.
I may even be a little French (!). At dinner with the Gaubens on Thursday, Dominique shocked me by telling me how French I'd become. She explained that when we first met I struck her as very American, but now I was very obviously French, in my look, my mannerisms, my gestures, my outlook. I took this as a major compliment, but I wonder how my new cultural identity (a French/American mélange) will play out when I return home. We shall see.
I am spending tomorrow in Paris and staying with a friend, so that should be wonderful! My flight is Monday morning from Charles de Gaulle airport, and I will arrive in Minneapolis 10 hours later, around 1 PM CST. I am so looking forward to hugging my mom and dad and seeing my family and friends after eight months of separation. So much joy, the balance to the many goodbyes I've been saying to the wonderful people I've had the great privilege to meet in my time here in France.
For those who are curious, the game plan, if I have one, is to wait for responses to the many job applications I've submitted to institutions around France to be some form of an English teacher. I've already got an interview at one university in the east of France. I am also waiting to hear back about a Masters program in Tours in linguistics. Failing that, I am looking into becoming an au pair to a French family to I can continue to develop my French skills and, of course, stay in France. I will be conducting all this decision-making from Minneapolis where I will hopefully find a job as a nanny for the summer and also have a great time with my fabulous friends.
So, there's the scoop. Au revoir for now. I will attempt to write a post-return update, but I may find myself rather busy when I get back, so no promises. I've thoroughly enjoyed writing this blog and sharing my experiences with you! À la prochaine!
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